The Puns That Would Not Die, Tom Swifties Yet Again

February 7, 2010

“Can you direct me to the men’s room?” Tom asked gently.

“I seem to have set the rear of the attic aflame,” Tom fired back loftily.

“Henry VIII was very fat,” said Tom unthinkingly.

“It will have to wait until the leap year,” he said lackadaisically.

“The cat seems happy now that he’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully

“Phone call for Mr. Greene,” the waiter said forlornly.

“I didn’t intend to send that telegram twice!” she said remorsefully.

“I’ve never had a filling,” she said precariously.

“Why, I’d love some Chinese soup,” he said wantonly.

“You are so much bigger than you were the last time I saw you,” he said gruesomely.

“It seems to have made the grass wet,” he said after due consideration.

“Thanks so much, Monsieur,” he said mercifully.

And my two favorites for the week:

“Who was the Vice President under Bill Clinton?” he asked allegorically.

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess,” he began grimly.

Note: Please feel free to send along any good ones you run across. I will publish the ones that are not too racy, and undoubtedly have a good laugh at the ones that are.